Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
