Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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