Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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