If i come over, it means nothing
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
