i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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