let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
