I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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