So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
