yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
