I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
