so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
