You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
