Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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