her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
