I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
