I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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