Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i drank out of a bidet.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
