You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
