I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
