I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
