You just made me feel so damn special
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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