you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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