bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
