He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
