i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
