My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
