I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
