Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
3 2 1 whiskey
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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