I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
