Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
