Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
