Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
