Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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