why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Swine flu is the new snow day.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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