so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
