She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
