So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We left the knife in your bed.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
