you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize