her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
