hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize