if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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