I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
