my phone needs a breathalizer
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
