official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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