I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
