I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
