Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
