my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize