I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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