Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
