I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
