I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
