I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
