i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
