Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
