I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
