Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize