you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
