He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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