Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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