My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
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