So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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