i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
