According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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