Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
