standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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