your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
