Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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