ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
