Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
