but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
