Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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