Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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