No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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