She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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