My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
