Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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