Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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