Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
