Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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