his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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