mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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